Counseling is a passion of mine. Connection, service, and reflection is the core of what I already do and is the essence of who I am. It’s time to make this into something I do well. It’s time to translate my skills and experience into high-resolution enrichment of individuals and community through an unparalleled educational experience.
To illustrate, let’s start with what I do now. As a dentist, I juggle the needs of each patient- the ones who want this abscess to stop hurting yesterday and the ones who want the bright smile with braces, whitening, and veneers for the wedding photos tomorrow. As a practice owner, I juggle the needs of each team member- through the 3:00 caffeine-slump quibbling and through months of covid19 catastrophe. As an owner-dentist, I realized that the most effective, most rewarding way to address these complexities is through integrating the connection of patients and team. Internal motivation and meaningful interaction synergize together in our practice culture and result in our patients appreciating a sense of personalized care, ease, and belonging. Meanwhile, as a community leader, I listen to the needs of local businesses through my service on the Board of the Chamber of Commerce, and I energize the community to support our businesses in spite of the temptation to go to the prettier towns east and west of us. I’ve even had these conversations after bumping into someone around the corner in Walmart and pumping gas! As an officer for my local ADA chapter, I coordinate lectures and volunteer events and am currently organizing a new approach that integrates our medical colleagues in our dental continuing education. And, most dear to me, as a new mother of a 21 month-old toddler, I have the privilege of guiding and following my daughter through her nascence into what I believe will be a well-adjusted adulthood imbued with self-esteem and purpose. In short, in what I do now, I listen, organize, advocate, and sustain.
These hats that I wear are just hats that I happen to be wearing now. When I was an undergraduate student, I wore others hats- holding office in many groups on campus, being a founding member and president of another group, developing a couple of businesses alongside professors in the undergraduate and MBA schools, developing projects for city and federal governments, interning for a nonprofit, speaking at the Young Women’s Leadership Conference in DC, interviewing candidates for an administrative position on campus, developing and writing columns for the Old Gold and Black, balancing a course load, and…occasionally absconding to Scales to play piano. The opportunities for exploring ideas and developing visions into realities at Wake are endless, and this foundation has woven itself into my spirit.
That’s all gravy. But what has been most impactful in my decision to apply to your program is having worn the ragged hat of a new mother going through an extraordinarily painful, confusing marriage and protracted divorce. I let myself be abused. Then I became a mother. My infant was 5.5 pounds. The nurturing, the responsibility, the vision- indeed, my very identity- was now under palpable threat. By the time I sought help, I found that my credibility had been undermined by an interloper who had deceived even my parents. This was an elemental betrayal.
I have walked away with bruises to my limbs and to my motherhood. But I walked away, and that’s just it. I walked away to the other side, finally and with courage, not knowing what that other side would be. After much difficulty and the salve of time, I can say that the other side is a side where I am still learning, still strengthening, and becoming more and more inspired to translate this experience into deep, meaningful experiences of life for others. I have encountered several other women with similar stories, with eerily similar details. I have since been able to detect malevolence and subtle tactics of triangulation, blameshifting, stonewalling, and gaslighting. I learned the concept of a trauma bond. I have been able to identify the facets of grief, the hope that comes with realizing its cyclical nature, the strength that comes from healing with intention. It appears to me that our system is barely efficient as a safety net for catching people who have been traumatized by such situations. Moreover, there is less yet on the front-end to strengthen people against allowing themselves to be abused. I have a heart for these individuals. I have a responsibility to these individuals. Indeed, I walked away with bruises, but I also walked away with tremendous purpose.
My goal is to be at once available and insightful to people and to enhance their inner strength. In my journey, I met several different counselors, some through personal selection and others selected through legal mediation. The appointments were scheduled for x o’clock sharp and attended at x o’clock sharp. But the counselors at these x o’clock sharp appointments were somehow not available. I never felt heard or believed. However, one day, in my darkest hours, I tuned into some podcasts. What I was hearing was resonating. People out there got it. They had a fluency. In my microsphere where no one understood my story, I realized I wasn’t alone. There was community for people like me, with stories like mine. And there was help. There was one podcast in particular that featured a counselor who was bold enough to leave her number. I vacillated: “Who really could help me?…this wretch sitting here in this wretched office? Just keep on keeping on.” But some time later, I gave it a desperate shot. WOW! She got it. She was available. I felt a tension release. I didn’t have to explain myself in this quasi-interrogation, linearizing my story into a narrative for cold analysis and subsequently distancing myself from my needs, the very points I needed addressed. She met me where I was and was herself affirming and real. At the same time, she had the words I didn’t have and, over a series of discussions, gave me the literacy and frameworks I needed to understand my situation and strengthen myself. Over the sessions, I was also impressed with how truly available, in time, she was. She would call me after her normal clinic hours ended. She even offered to be available for an “SOS” call during my legal mediation and took my call in spite of being on her way to dinner with her husband. The kicker: this woman lives in a different state. How powerful compassionate counseling can be, even from a distance away!
This is the kind of availability and compassion I want to and am in a position to give to others. Practically, I see myself having one-on-one sessions with clients in addition to an active telemedicine presence. I would thrive in an online network of colleagues who participate in research and its practical application. I also would like to leverage the internet to bring together communities and initiatives. Currently, I have great interest in personality disorders, chronic pain, and therapeutic horseback riding and am eager to apply principles from these topics to other areas of counseling and vice versa.
To do this best, I need a program that is more than just a necessity for a license. I need a foundation, somewhere to link ideas together, somewhere I can engage with colleagues and faculty, somewhere with a distinct ethos. My undergraduate years at Wake were full of exciting exploration, application of academics to projects, building a foundation of skills and ethics that synergize fulfillment of self and others. Indeed, my application to this program is the next application in my life journey to live out my alma mater’s motto Pro Humanitate.